Terami.com Blog

I began writing here in December 2002. The entries were published on Entropy29.com, and my sole intention was to keep updates on my album recording process for people who cared to know. The site began to evolve into daily ramblings, observations, and conversations I had with animals. I think if there's a theme to what I write about, it's that I'm trying to find myself. I get so easily lost in the differences between reality, hope, daydreams, and disappointment. I'm also fascinated by Time, which you can read about here and here.

But I'm really just a paper and glue girl, so this is not the only journal I keep - it's just my only blog. Obsessive-like, I have a journal for lyrics, one for melodies, one for words and scribbles (with an emphasis on the words), one for words and scribbles (with an emphasis on the scribbles), and one for really nasty truths about myself that I only use when I feel about 3cm tall. My hand itches, I pull out the paper. Don't believe me?

Here's a bit of what my other journals look like:

I MAKE MUSIC
I've been playing piano since I was five years old. I really love it, and I was very good as a child. Music was the first language I could read, and it was the only reason I survived fractions in grade school. Unfortunately, because of this, I suffer from "prodigy syndrome", which means that since music was easy for me early on, I never experienced struggle on the learning curve. This really sucks when I try to get into something new, because I inevitably become so frustrated, I quit. A real brat. Sadly, this in turn, means that music is really the only thing I know how to do.

I WENT TO COLLEGE
I decided not to go to college on a music scholarship. Instead, I went to a conservative religious school in Illinois. For one week. Then I returned home, because I was no good at mixing church and education. So I quit both the church and the education. The following year led me to community college, where I began studying film. I was eventually accepted at Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, CA, where I received my BFA in film. Many things happened while I was in college. I met good people, including Kevin. I became inspired beyond belief. I smoked my first and last cigarette in the span of 10 days. I took time off and moved to Ireland for a while. And I struggled with depression. (So did my classmates.) Not necessarily in that order.

I HAD A JOB
Because of the depression, I started seeing a psychiatrist. She put me on many many medications. I was bloated and doped up - a pin cushion for her sadistic cocktail experiments. Two good things came from my affair with prescription medication. One was that I was officially diagnosed with OCD, and that explains a lot. The second, was that the psychiatrist had a brother who owned a production company. So she scored me a job interview. Hi, I'm a psych patient. Put me in charge of something, like your film project, say. I promise I won't kill myself in the ladies' room. So he did. And I didn't. For the next two years, I worked on projects for NASA, Hallmark, and some 3D development companies. They began to throw me into programming stuff, not because I was good, but because my labor was cheap. That's where I learned a little about the internet, HTML and Flash.

All this time, I continued to write my own songs. With my new on-job exposure to the internet, I realized people just like me were putting out albums on their own. I wanted some of that. So I recorded my first album over a rainy three-day weekend, in my leaky apartment in North Hollywood, CA.

I eventually quit my job. Money was scarce and I ate a lot of cream cheese on crackers, seasoned with pepper, mustard, and pickle juice. My world became entirely about music, the computer, and my four walls. In the following years, my diet improved and the music became more fulfilling, but I'm still doing battle with the machines.

Then, I made my second album. It took about a year to produce. I went on tour. That was fun. Then I went on tour again. That was more fun. Then I started working on my third album. It took three years to finish, which sucked. I was depressed. Insecure. Lonely. Frustrated. Out of touch. But I wrote all about it in this blog, which was like a life line.

ALSO, I TALK TO ANIMALS (USUALLY LIZARDS)
...Two days ago I saw a coyote in my backyard. She was about 15 feet from the door screen, sniffing my plants for possible hidden rabbity morsels. Once she saw me looking, she hung her head and shrugged. We're all hoping for something, I agreed. Sometimes these conversations reveal the most to me about how I connect with the world.

I watched as she snaked her way up my hillside, trotting lazily until she was out of sight.

Working at home can get very lonely, so sometimes I go outside and lie in the grass to feel the ants parade across my neck. Something is moving in me, I can tell by their supercharged legs and determined nature to make bridgework of my body.

I inevitably return to this studio, where I work on my songs and write in my journals. I know that I care too much. But, in the end, I just really need to discover how I fit into this whole mess.

PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE: ------- TOUR DATES See schedule for details May 18 - San Diego (Lestat's) May 21 - Austin (Austin Java) May 22 - Houston (Waldo's Coffeehouse) May 24 - Pensacola (Et Cafe) May 28 - Philadelphia (InFusion) May 29 - New York (Rockwood Music Hall) June 04 - Chicago (Silvie's) June 06 - Minneapolis (House Concert) June 07 - Davenport (Mojo's) June 12 - Park City (Celsius Lounge) June 17 - Los Angeles (Hotel Cafe) -------

These are my albums. - -» I make them at home.	A Broke Machine, 2008
	Entropy 29, 2005
	To the Bone, 2002
	All Girl Band, 1999