For all these years, the book has remained on my shelf. I don't even know why I kept it...except maybe that because I respect my therapist, I've been hoping that one day the book will make sense to me. Last week, I picked it up again - only this time, I understood what I was reading. This book is about the process of becoming a person of knowledge.
Of course, before becoming a person of knowledge, a person must be a student.
In general, I'd say there are three types of students.
...the one who loves to learn, but avoids having to DO...
The Obligatory Student
...not much of a student...
...the one who is there in body, but not in mind...
The Receptive Student
...the one who opens themself to the experience of learning...
Being in a state of receptivity is really important. Contrasted with the habitual student, the receptive student loves to learn, but realizes that learning is an experience. Of these three types, I am most often the Habitual Student.
I frequently find myself overly concerned with the details and facts in an attempt to "understand" a topic. I don't like doing things wrong, so I use my study to protect myself from looking foolish. In the end, I become so entangled with facts and bitsy knowledge that I'm too tired to jump into an actual experience. For example, when I make an album, one of my biggest hurdles is that I approach the project with hypersensitivity to a theme, or a word, or a sound, or how people might react (or not), and a whole host of other things that have nothing to do with the experience of making a record. This is why I've become so interested in the process of creating something - because the process (the experience) is so easy for me to overlook. (In an interview with Interlude Magazine, I discuss this idea a bit - you can read the interview here.)
At the end of the day, everything boils down to experience. Either we believe an experience is meaningful and useful, or else we believe it is not. Being a student isn't just sitting in a classroom or listening to someone else talk. Being a student is an activity that requires effort, awareness, and receptivity. We are all students of varying types, constantly experiencing things that we can learn from.
From the Castanda book: "...learning through conversation [is] not only a waste, but stupidity, because learning [is] the most difficult task a man could undertake."
With this perspective, hardships and struggles have meaning. When something feels enormously huge on your shoulders, ask yourself what you are learning - instead of avoiding or detesting the weight. We will never know how to behave, how to answer a question, or how to "move on" without realizing that each experience is a lesson.
Forgive yourself for not knowing. Realize that the path to knowledge is already under your feet.
