I've mentioned before about living in a happy way; doing activities that make me happy, thinking thoughts that make me happy, having general happiness around me like sweet, sweet sugary bubbles. However, I suspected that due to the nature of my anxiety dreams, that maybe my subconscious thoughts were sabotaging my conscious delirium of joy and candyland delights. So, I decided to start actively monitoring them...to use them as a little therapy. By ignoring, forgetting, or not facing the anxiety I feel in my sleep I suspect that I'll always be a step behind.
Here's a metaphor for you. I have an ongoing conversation with my friend who is also a songwriter about writing "bad" songs. I always want to write a bad song, because then I get the baddness out of the way. My files are filled with crap lyrics, stupid, simple melodies, and boring music. But I'm ok with that. She doesn't like to waste her time on something she knows is bad. In the end, I have more songs than her, many of which are good - but she has a better quality ratio.
By learning to filter out the bad, I'll move more slowly, but there will be less waste. I want to try that with my thinking. If I can learn to become less tolerant of negative subconscious directives, will the overall quality of my state of mind improve? Are those negative dream thoughts contaminating the whole thought pool?
I feel like Carrie in Sex and the City: I can't help but wondering...Are our dreams as important as our conscious thoughts, or do I just always need to ask annoying questions?
