#1: The parties! Our neighbors had two more fiestas over the weekend. My tiny grandma brain can't handle the racket.
#2: Nobody visits us because we live so very far away from civilization and they're afraid we'll start playing banjo music and take them out to the woods.
#3: Kevin found two snakes in our front flower bed last night, inches away from the front door. If I had found them instead, our conversation would have gone like this:
Me: *drop dead faint*
Them: Fatality! High five!
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MMmm-yeah. Pretty much, #3 is a good enough reason to move, burn the house down, and decontaminate everything within a mile of this spot.
I could hang with the rats who used to scurry in our walls.
I could hang with the dead lizards who would casually rot in our carpet.
But, sorry. I can't hang with the snakes, no matter how harmless they might be.
Peeps, it's time to look for other habitation.
Stat.
...Preferably in a sterile, non-woodland place where all my neighbors are mute, my friends are nearby, and the only animals who visit for tea are mammals with fluffy tails whose species name rhymes with "flunny wabbits".
