Do you believe that? I don't. Not really. I suppose I believe in balance, but good/bad is a state of mind and we all know what I think about that, now that I've outed myself as a wannabe optimist.
However, yesterday - day of love, of valentines, of made-up anniversaries - was one of the worst in my recent memory. I'm trying to rephrase everything that happened so that it's not so overwhelming, but it's amazing how quickly tidy happiness can unravel if you let it.
Short list of my day yesterday.
01. My computer was down most of the day due to an upgrade issue - which coincides perfectly with a big deadline I'm under for a new project. ~ Panic. Frustration. ~
02. Kevin probably lost his job with George Lucas because...drum roll...he was called into jury duty and it appears that he's not being released for a few weeks. ~ Helplessness. ~
03. My mom was admitted into the emergency room after losing consciousness while driving her car and crashing into the side of a freeway onramp. ~If you know what that emotion is, please tell me - because I was too numb when I got the call to know what I was feeling. ~
(Did you enjoy how I gradated the baddness? I wanted you to experience the quick slide from bad to worse, just as I did.)
But here's the rub: now I am newly optimistic. I think of happy things. I restrain myself from devolving into chaos, which practically requires a superpower on a day like yesterday. What's a new optimist to do when they have a day of boiling frustration, crushing helplessness, and a brush with mortality? A self-made optimist takes her own medicine. I really did start to reframe each of these bad things in order to find meaning in them.
It was a real challenge - but the common thread in each of these things in my day was that I should always remember to be grateful for what's working in my life; to be grateful for the people, the opportunities, the ease, and the wonderful fortune I've experienced. I know I'll eventually figure out my computer issues, Kevin's career will continue regardless of the outcome of this circumstance, and my mom came out of the accident without injury. We're all still here, we're all still standing. For that, I'm very grateful.
And now (lucky me) I have a new anniversary to celebrate on February 14. It is the day my mom survived losing consciousness while driving, miraculously not hitting anyone while swerving off the freeway, through an intersection, and up another freeway onramp and crashing...and then having the doctors say her blackout was a fluke and there is nothing in her tests to show a larger problem, other than a sudden drop in her blood pressure.
Happy Wacky Anniversary, indeed.
