Terami.com Blog

Can I just say this? My PO Box is one of the most annoying things in existance. Ever.

I rarely get any quality mail there. Instead, I get heaps and heaps of junk. And the junk? It's not just for me. It's for my ENTIRE FAMILY. Even the dead relatives.

It should also be mentioned that my mailbox is 22.5 miles from my house. And between me and the box? Nothing but high-traffic freeways. It takes over an hour to drive there. And about an hour to get back home. Tell me. Would YOU visit the post office very often? Of course you wouldn't. Neither do I.

Here's my schedule: Somebody sends me an email and tells me they just mailed something? I drive two hours out of my way and pick it up. If nobody emails, the package will sit there for months. Sorry.

One of the worst things for me is when people tell me they're going to send me something...too many times, they never get around to it. It's like the boy who cried wolf. So, I go to the PO within a few days of the email, only to find nothing special in the box. Just the junk mail. For my dead relatives. But then OTHER people will say they're going to send something, I doubt them, and their sweet letter/gift/music/whatever sits in the box for an eternity.

So, today I happened to be near Burbank during Post Office hours and I decided to pick up my mail. (A while ago, I had a few people say they were going to send me something... ) Anyhow. EVERY TIME I go to my box, this one postal worker makes a HUUUUUUGE stink. Urrrugh! YOU'RE 3-8-5-5! Many letters! You never come! We hold it and wait for you! You should see the pile! Urrrugh! Very lazy, 3-8-5-5! [shakes his head] It's bad for us! Urrrugh! [shakes his head again and mumbles]" In fact, one of the reasons I pick up so infrequently is because of these rants. They're awful.

Today, as he stopped his business with another postal customer to yell at me, I just started laughing. Loudly. It's so predictable. What I'd really like to do is hand him the ENTIRE pile and say Urrrugh! There's NOTHING but junk in this pile! You see that, right? Just throw it away! [which I realize they really can't...but I would pay loads of money if they would!] This is so stupid, the only thing stupider would be if each one of these pieces of junk was from a singing telegram service!

And, of course, my box was filled with nothing but junk mail. So now my car is littered with credit card offers, advertisements, coupons, catalogs, and business surveys for my entire family to share.

If you've been reading this post carefully at all, your natural response will be: Hey, dummy. Why don't you stop using a PO box? Or, better yet, get a box closer to home! Your points are well taken. However, when you have OCD like me, it's not possible to sleep at night and think about all the potential letters that nobody can mail to you since you don't have a box. And worse, the resulting irony that will likely ensue if you get a new box and then decide to buy a house in Burbank some day.

Oh, yes. My life is just that hard. I can feel your deepest sympathy for what I must suffer for my art. And suffer, I do.

[Edit Note: OK. I just re-read this entry, four hours after posting it. My first inclination is to delete it because, wow. What snip wrote THAT! But when I was writing it, it all sounded very funny in my head. Funny in the OH MY GOD, MY LIFE IS A PILE OF JUNK MAIL sort of way. And really. Between the email spam, the blog spam, the message board spam, and the junk mail both at home and at the box, I'm really swimming in it. HOWEVER. The worst part, reading this back, is that I sound ungrateful for the correspondence I receive. And I'm not. At all. It's the only reason I keep the box - because it truly means so much to me. So, I apologize for the general rawr of this post. Read it in good humour, please. xo T.]

[July 31, 2007 Update: This box has officially been closed. So, after some consideration, I've decided to open another box in a close location and keep its address private (ie: not published on this website). If there's anything you'd like to send to me, please send an email to "info at terami dot com" and I can give you the address. I apologize for the hoops and swervy system of contact. It's just that I want to hear from you and not the credit card companies. xo T.]