I don't know why icky things happen to me. Kevin, who brags about his Fear Factor potential, NEVER has gross out stuff happen to him.
You remember my standing-barefoot-on-a-dead-lizard-and-not-realizing-it-for-an-entire-conversation story, right? That was grody. And I've been witness to many-a-lizard fiasco over my years living in this house. (Disembodied tails squirm in a fascinating, animatronic way. Did you know that? Well, I do.)
I also went barefoot on the front lawn one night and walked back into the house with a strange sensation on my foot. A juicy slug was making its way North.
And then just last night I was enjoying my organic salad...and so was a bright green worm. "Howdy-hi! Enjoying my organic salad, I see."
I can't tell you how many perfectly American activities are ruined for me now. Snappy, haughty conversations. Walking barefoot. Bringing in the trashcans. And now eating salad.
I imagine these creatures I've encountered...they probably write up in their scurrying or slithery blogs, "And then this GIGANTIC human rolled over my tail with the trashcan! I was just taking a nap right underneath. Like, seriously. HOW RUDE." Or: "I was nibbling on the salad, stretching 83 of my 106 body segments, when this MONSTROUS hand poured olive oil all over me. It felt good for about 2 seconds as I frolicked in the slime...but I quickly realized I was about to be dinner. THAT SUCKED."
I suppose there are worse things...but when a worm is hanging out in your food and you don't realize it until you're on your last bite...well, there's not much you can do except write about in your own damn blog.
